Broken Promised Land

"I don't want to turn around if you'll just leave some day."

~Rob Thomas, "Mockingbird"

I've officially gone to 5 university classes, which means I've got my semester figured out. I am quite excited to dive into course material, once I acquire textbooks and other materials. It's like being at "school" - just bigger with a bit of a strange schedule. I definitely like being independent and attending lectures, but it is quite different from high school where classes are held in the same building at the same times everyday. I'm sure I'll get used to it soon enough.

Today, we made cookies as a fifth of our house. It was work equally divided and enjoyed. This family in Montreal is something I am so grateful for that I am quite timid to say it to them. It's an amazing opportunity to meet people and discover things about myself through these unique relationships - we've all got our own friends and classes etc., but, in the end, we're at home with each other.

There is still someone whose silence is making me more distant from this new world than I should be. I wish there was a class that could teach me how to let go and find a medium in which I didn't feel anything except what was in the present. It bothers me to have the past haunt me and the future taunt me - the present is so much more important and there is a cloud hanging between it and myself because of these heart matters. I am not doing anything about this situation until next weekend, because making a quick decision won't help the "healing" process. However, I know I am ready to "tie up the loose ends" and officially throw them in the ocean as water droplets. 

I wish I could find the answers, but, alas, what would life be with such omnipotence? 

-E.Starr