Relocated

Thanks for visiting me on skyofwonder!

Just wanted to let you know that I am not going to continue posting on here as I've moved to a tumblr website with the title burningbusy. Please join me there to continue our meander through life via the cyber-world.

Also, I have new handles under Pinterest & Twitter, so that everything is under one name - don't forget to send me a message through those!

Best,
E.Starr

It's amazing what we can get ourselves into by having just a moment of weakness and opening our hearts to what our mind tells us to be wary of. 

These past couple months have been a roller-coaster to me: changes, adapting, discovery .. However, the small things that always kept me happy since I was old enough to formulate ideas have stayed the same. Those things never change. 

What I loved before is what I love now. Those close to me kindly advised me that I could experience a change of heart in many things after leaving and exploring the world independently. I don't doubt their words in the sense that I couldn't have possibly set all my life goals in what I've lived thus far. However, I can't change the way the puzzle pieces fit together in some things. Those are what built me to be who I am .. if those change, who would I be? 

Select people and places worm their ways into the unattainable depths of the sacred and unforgiving pool of love. 

Sometimes, if we're weak, we may lose it to something that can never return those feelings.

~E.Starr

The Sweetest Thing

"I'm learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again"

~Don Henley: "The Heart of the Matter"~

The thing about home is that it is unique to each person... except that they share that beautiful sentiment with a few select people. For example, my home is is the same as my brother and my parents (although they could be thinking of the home they grew up in). I don't even mean it's the same physically - I mean the space that is home depends on these factors: environment, people, habits.

In that sense, I think the family I grew up with, in my home, think similarly to me. It's a beautiful concept really and I am more amazed by the people I was gifted with at birth to grow in that space. In a world of over 7 billion people, we have been mapped to the people in our lives in very significant, irreplaceable ways and that's something to be unconditionally grateful for. 

-E.Starr

Broken Promised Land

"I don't want to turn around if you'll just leave some day."

~Rob Thomas, "Mockingbird"

I've officially gone to 5 university classes, which means I've got my semester figured out. I am quite excited to dive into course material, once I acquire textbooks and other materials. It's like being at "school" - just bigger with a bit of a strange schedule. I definitely like being independent and attending lectures, but it is quite different from high school where classes are held in the same building at the same times everyday. I'm sure I'll get used to it soon enough.

Today, we made cookies as a fifth of our house. It was work equally divided and enjoyed. This family in Montreal is something I am so grateful for that I am quite timid to say it to them. It's an amazing opportunity to meet people and discover things about myself through these unique relationships - we've all got our own friends and classes etc., but, in the end, we're at home with each other.

There is still someone whose silence is making me more distant from this new world than I should be. I wish there was a class that could teach me how to let go and find a medium in which I didn't feel anything except what was in the present. It bothers me to have the past haunt me and the future taunt me - the present is so much more important and there is a cloud hanging between it and myself because of these heart matters. I am not doing anything about this situation until next weekend, because making a quick decision won't help the "healing" process. However, I know I am ready to "tie up the loose ends" and officially throw them in the ocean as water droplets. 

I wish I could find the answers, but, alas, what would life be with such omnipotence? 

-E.Starr

The Best Introductions

I am now officially settled into a house 7 hours away from home. It is a completely new experience: people, places, routine... I will agree to feeling rather overwhelmed initially, and I still have that, but it's all starting to make sense to me now. I'm meeting more people and feeling a bit more familiar with where I am supposed to be. Of course, once school starts, it will be easier to fall into a routine and really discover kindred spirits in this big city.

Today, we stayed close to school campus and I had my first experience in a classroom at this school. I guess, no matter how different it is from what I've been used to, it is a school with teachers, labs, other students, white boards, projectors .. and this is nice to see. I'm actually really looking forward to opening textbooks and binders and starting to explore my studies.

A friend of mine gave me a one-line-a-day reflection book that documents 5 years once it is finished. The idea is so ingenious and absolutely perfect to start now. Imagine where we'll be in 5 years, dear reader. I don't even want to imagine that - taking my time getting there will be something I think I will have to force myself to do. High school was some indication of how quickly time does end up passing. 

Still can't believe I'm here... 

-E.Starr

"And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much"

-Chantal Kreviazuk: Feels Like Home"

A Long Long Time Ago & Essentially True

Last week, I spent much of my late nights and the waking hours of my mornings finishing off a novel by Brigid Pasulka. This is one of those books I will never forget - especially because I really saw myself in the main character Beata (Baba Yaga)  and have come to wonder about my own values and ambitions after seeing hers unfold in this time of her life.

This post isn't a review or a summary of "A Long Long Time Ago & Essentially True" - although I will say I give my full recommendation to anyone who is looking to find some perspective of a different time in the current time. I'm sounding very long-winded at the moment,  but it is a necessary obstacle in clear communication as I try to sort out my mind and heart matters.

Baba Yaga is a conservative girl, who is mature for her age, especially when compared to her wild cousin, Magda, and she is just about to start exploring the "world" (also known as "the city life") after her grandmother passes away in the village she lived in and her aunt offers her a place to stay in Krakow. I don't see it as a "coming of age" moment, because she's not figuring herself out for the first time. In this way, I relate to her. Both of us are entering the world with some experience and wisdom given to us from our family and friends that brought us up; we know a little bit of what we want, but not entirely - we can see life paving something for us and it's hopeful, but we're unsure of what it is. Her academic strength and willingness to work is something she does, but doesn't know where it will take her. In the moment, that's what is important. At the same time, she worries about her family, her romances, her social life - it's there but she also knows things like that are fickle and she has time to settle. 

I feel like I'm talking about myself when I write those descriptions about Baba Yaga. The things that really matter to me are the ones I can't trust to keep me on my own two feet for the next few years of my life. I concern myself with their details and happenings, but I allow myself the liberation of having studies and extra curricular activities to extend my time of needing to track these musings. 

In a week's time, I will be in my residence at school, ready to live for a year with brand new people to my life and attend school with. I can hardly believe how fast time passed from being a kid who thought leaving elementary school was a big step into a void to the person anticipating their first real move away from home.

Goodbyes are really difficult to think about. There are people who understand how much it holds and how much you value their presence in your life; then there are people who don't see it the way you do and you wonder how this time that is so significant to you and that you shared with them doesn't reciprocate similar feelings. However, as Baba Yaga believed by the end of her journey through this novel, we never do know what to expect or what answers to look for; but you can always try and see the positive light and work towards that because there's something to be thankful for in every moment.

-E.Starr

It's a been a DAY

I just had a whirlwind of a weekend - very exciting changes are unfolding in my life and turning points are being reached. It can be overwhelming at times, but, once again, I would like to say that I give credit to my family and friends for knowing what to say and do at the right times. 

♪♫ My soundtrack right now ♫♪

I am thinking very positively towards the future, although there is the looming fact that the near future holds quite a number of good-byes to old friends and packing up from my childhood home. I'm no stranger to the moving situation - my family has made big and small moves; but I've never been attached to a lifestyle as much as the one I've had in my young adult years. It is understandable and expected, since "they" say it's those teen years that either make or break you: you meet lifelong friends, you grow into your family, you discover the world and let it show you what it has to offer. As an adult, you learn these things more independently, which is an adventure I look forward to undertaking, but it will certainly be a great transition, especially for the first time.

Apart from my musings, I have been busy with work, household chores and back-to-school shopping. This week, I'm going to focus on taking care of myself with exercise and a slight change to diet. I have been rather irregular with portions and timing simply because my schedule is constantly changing and it definitely takes a toll, even for a "young person". So, I'm going to make it a point to be more conscious of this aspect of life. Happiness starts from within, right?

-E.Starr

Lots of Loops

Well, hasn't this summer been going along quite fast? I don't how I feel about admitting that August is only 2 days away ... There's a lot to do this summer in terms of cleaning up, stocking up, saying good-byes (I will put that on the back-burner for as long as I can), making new connections - for once, I actually wish Time could slow itself. However, I am also excited about new things coming up in fall, so be assured I am not completely downtrodden.

I returned from a trip to Montréal a few days ago. It was a short stay to preview the world in the big city; nonetheless, it still gave me a great outlook on the life I will be undertaking. There are definitely going to be things I will miss from living in this small (but expanding) rural community that I've grown up in including the familiar people, places, openness and safety. However, I am also thoroughly piqued at the freedom of a metropolis that never sleeps, the huge range of activities I can be involved in and the possibility of meeting more kindred spirits in a population I can hardly envision. 

Montréal from Mont Royal

Today was my first day back at work since the hiatus I took to explore Montréal. Going to work, reconnecting with colleagues and friends ... it feels weird coming back to it, because I now know Montréal is a real thing that will be happening in my life in less than a year. However it's a "good weird" because I think I need a little more time to gather my bearings and orient myself for the move. 

Finally, for tonight, I will introduce you to another part of my life. Like any lifestyle blog, there's got to be something about a heart-related matter - and I don't mean cardiac arrests, I mean the emotional aspect. So, I'd like to put it out there on the web, that I, too, am one of the children of unrequited love. I saw the person causing this distress to me today and I really don't know what in the world to think. Just so you know: he is one of the people I have to say good-bye to in less than a month. Aah, the plot has thickened: what will she do?

Yours always,

E.Starr

Big Yellow Taxi

What a fast couple weeks it has been. I don't know where to start. I have been pretty awful at keeping up with this blog, as there is only one other post from me since its initiation and I had a goal of 1 post a week... Nonetheless, I am here now with many ideas and much to catch up on!

To begin with, last week was definitely a whirlwind. My aunt and uncle were visiting, hailing from my native country on the other side of the world. I hadn't seen them for 7 years until then. It was lovely to catch up with them, but, at the same time, reminded me of how I've still got lots to prove to my family for them to see me as an independent adult. However, it takes time and it's only fair to give them at least the same amount of time that I took to reach this perspective.

At the end of my uncle's and aunt's visit, my father treated the family to a buffet meal at our nearest Mandarin. We all enjoyed it and, of course, had a good chuckle over the fortune cookies. Here's mine:

While I've never really thought of finances of a way to define my lifestyle or achieve my mind's desires, it is a nice wish for the future! Ironically, the rest of the week, I ended up working a lot, so I will be earning a little extra on the next pay check. Some things go hand in hand.

I am now in the middle of a new week - almost at the week's end, actually - and it has definitely been a little more relaxed. I have been able to catch up in chats with a few friends, which has helped me relieve some of the stress I have been feeling lately, and also do my share of household chores, which makes me feel less guilty for being quite an inactive member of the home. 

Lots more happened and is continuing to happen, but I feel like I'm not really reaching out to anyone on this blog, so I'm just aimlessly typing away ... Maybe I need some sort of "identity" on the web to make me a little more famous and easy-to-find...

Sincerely,

E.Starr

Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you've got

'Til it's gone...

~Joni Mitchell,  "Big Yellow Taxi"

A Relaxed Beginning

The mess in my room -
the empty space is what I was sitting in!

I didn't plan to start off my summer with the first week booked off to go about doing my chores and getting caught up on cleaning and re-stocking the goods - however, it turned out that way and I am glad to have had this extra time. Today, I enjoyed the breeze from my dwelling, where all the windows were fully open; but didn't get to go outside. It was definitely a lazy day, among all the digging through paraphernalia and figuring out what I have in excess and what is dwindling.

Discovering treasures when flipping through an album of preserved notes, tickets, birthday cards, news articles etc was aplenty today. I found some sweet letters good friends had passed onto me and the kind words prescribed on the pages reminded me of all the people and experiences I am thankful to have even at this ripe age of 18. On the cover of my album I have a post-it sent by my dear pal, who is known on here as "M. Red", that says, "You is smart. You is kind. You is important" from the movie The Help. I love my friends and family for making the world such a beautiful place!

I'm still not done sorting through all the things I have accumulated over the past 18 years ... but, despite the length of time it will take to finally box everything up and seal them until my next peruse, it sure is fun identifying the moments and reminiscing in their pleasant memories. I have the entire summer to recollect these journeys and I am looking forward to every moment!

Cheers!

E.Starr

Summer - M. Red

   The first day of official summer does something to a person -- whether it be the moment of victory after completing the final exams, or just the soothe in ones chest after knowing you are free for a whole two months. 
     I for one, prefer the fact that I am free and have a destination waiting for me in September. I have friends who live close to me, unlike last summer, I have the freedom to work full time but still remain free to parade around with my friends. 
     

A sky so rare

it only appears a certain time of year.

For one to hope, 

that the heat dost swallow

all the fears and tears. 

But if thou'st follow, 

the direction of the wind,

It will take you on a never ending journey

with Stella firm in hand. 

      I guess I really don't have all that much to write about today, be safe and no worries my lovelies. 

~ M. Red.